When Really Good Looking Vampires End Up In a Bookstore Near You
by Laughing Still
Summary: Watch out Konoha boys, Edward Cullen has come to town, and it's not going to be pretty. SasuSaku, ShikaIno, NejiTen, Naruhina
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning

_When Really Good Looking Vampires End Up in a Bookstore Near You_

_By_

_Laughing Still  
_

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, wish I did but I don't.

A/N: Thank you to all you who have read/reviewed my stories! I am delighted you like them and very touched you took the time to review them. Hope you enjoy this one! :)

Jealousy is an ugly thing.

It's been said who knows how many times before, but usually they forget to mention that it also amusing, occasionally put some unfortunate person in the OR, and, sometimes, it is the stuff of legends. This time was one of those times, though no one knew it yet. Before we get ahead of ourselves however, we had better start at the beginning.

Team 7 of Konoha had been out training since dawn and all four of its members were ready to pass out from exhaustion though it was only obvious in two of them. Since it was summer, Kakashi-sensei had made the three a deal; if they were at the training grounds a half hour before dawn, (usually about 5 a.m.) they would quit training at noon and the rest of the afternoon was theirs to use as they pleased. So, here they were at noon, trying not to keel over from heat exhaustion.

"Alright, you guys are free." Kakashi-sensei said, leaning against a shady tree trunk and pulling out his favorite orange book. "See you later. Good job."

And with that, he opened the book and instantly got lost in the questionable world of _Icha Icha Paradise._

"Sakura-chan! Come to lunch with me? We can go swimming afterwards!" Naruto shouted, thoroughly deafening his teammates.

"Oh, sorry Naruto." The pinkette began, looking truly remorseful. "But I can't."

"What?! Why not?!"

"Because I have things." She said distractedly, glancing at her watch and getting up hastily. "See you."

"What kinds of things?" Naruto demanded.

"A date. I gotta go. Sorry."

It was as though she had just uttered the foulest swearword known to man. Naruto's jaw dropped, Kakashi-sensei was jerked out of his book to stare at his only female student and the last Uchiha looked as though he had suddenly been carved from stone.

"You got Sasuke-teme to go on a date with you?!" Naruto yelled.

_WHACK!_

"Ouch! Sakura-chan!"

"Ahh! Sorry guys! I have to go! He's waiting for me!" The 17 year old took off running. "Be sure to take care of your head Naruto! See you!"

Within seconds she was gone from sight.

"Take care of my head? She never says that after she hits me." Naruto mumbled, rubbing the sore spot and looking after Sakura. He turned back to the two others and his eyes landed on Sasuke.

"Wait a minute! Sakura-chan didn't hit me! You did! What was that for?!"

Sasuke scoffed. "Dobe."

"Hey! Don't call me that Teme!"

"Wonder who Sakura has a date with." Kakashi's voice asked idly. He turned the page and looked at Sasuke.

His student observed him coolly and Kakashi resisted the urge to hit him with his hardback book in the hopes of knocking some sense into him. He tried again.

"She seemed pretty excited about it."

"Hn." The Uchiha heir grunted, getting up and walking in the opposite direction Sakura had taken.

"Hey Teme! Wait up! Let's go get ramen!"

Naruto scrambled after Sasuke, nearly tripping over a log in his hurry.

Kakashi rolled his eyes and settled more comfortably into the tree. Once upon a time he had hoped that his students would indulge his inner romantic and fall for their pink haired teammate. That dream however had been ruthlessly murdered when he had seen the cold eyes of Uchiha Sasuke and the first time Naruto had opened his mouth. One of his students was a clueless ramen obsessed demon vessel and the other had absolutely no sense of the romantic whatsoever, not exactly who he would have chosen to fall in love with the girl who was a combination of a niece and daughter to him. Kakashi shrugged and shoved the thought into the back of his mind, burying himself in his book again. At least _someone_ knew how to write a romance.

3 training fields away, the four members of Team 8 were eating lunch, Kiba and Kurenai-sensei predominantly carrying on the conversation. Kurenai-sensei laughed as Kiba finished telling one of Akamaru's many adventures. Hinata smiled and petted the sleeping dog affectionately.

"K-Kurenai-sensei, w-what time is it?"

Her sensei looked up at the sun above them. "About noon. Why?"

Hinata paled suddenly and scrambled up, waking Akamaru up in the process and causing her companions to stare at her.

"M-may I b-be excused K-Kurenai-sen-s-sei?" she asked, going back to her normal shade of red at all the attention.

"Of course but why?" Kurenai looked puzzled. "Is something wrong?"

Hinata went tomato red and started pressing her pointer fingers together. "N-n-n-no. N-not a-at a-all. I-I j-j-just h-have t-t-to b-be s-somew-where a-and I h-have t-to g-go n-now."

"What? Got a hot date or something?" Kiba teased.

Hinata looked as though she were about to faint and was suddenly very interested in her sandals. Then, without any warning, she gave a tiny nod.

"_WHAT?!"_

Kurenai-sensei dropped the piece of bread she was holding.

"Kiba, please desist from yelling so loudly, you are damaging my hearing." Aburame Shino requested. He wasn't looking at Kiba though and his voice was distant, as though his mind was elsewhere.

Hinata fidgeted.

"WHO ON EARTH WITH?!" Kiba bellowed, only making Hinata more uncomfortable.

"Kiba!" Kurenai scolded, snapping out of her shock.

"I-I r-really h-h-have t-to g-go." Hinata stammered, turning and starting to run.

"I know! It's with that blond idiot Naruto! You finally admitted you liked him and—and—"

He keeled over, his brain too traumatized to maintain consciousness.

"NEJI-KUN, MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT! I FEAR I MUST INTTERUPT YOUR YOUTHFUL ACTIVITIES WITH OUR YOUTHFUL TENTEN-CHAN TO CALL YOU TO THE MIDDAY MEAL! COME, MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS!"

The Hyuuga prodigy turned to look at his eccentric sensei and nearly lost an ear in the process, courtesy of his sparring partner. There was an ominous _thunk_ and Tenten grinned as Neji's eyes widened a fraction of an inch.

"WELL DONE MY YOUTHFUL TEAMMATE!" Lee shouted, clapping.

Neji glared at him.

"Thanks Lee." Tenten said, jumping out of her tree and landing beside her sensei. "I'm starving, are you?"

"AH! THAT SHOWS YOUR YOUTHFULLNESS IS WELL IN HAND! OH! MY YOUTHFUL BLOSSOM IS GROWNING UP! OH! THE POWER OF YOUTH!" Gai-sensei yelled happily, anime tears streaming down his face.

"SO TRUE GAI-SENSEI!" Lee shouted back, tears pouring down his face as well.

"OH LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"Um, Gai-sensei?" Tenten asked.

The man never even heard her.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"Gai-sensei?" she tried again, slightly louder.

"LEE!"

"_**GAI-SENSEI!"**_ Tenten and Lee yelled at the exact same time.

"L—"

_**WHAM!**_

A kunai had suddenly been embedded into the bark of the tree right in between Lee and Gai-sensei. All three turned to Neji.

"Tenten had a question." He said, not looking at any of them.

Tenten flushed but swore to thank him later.

"YES MY YOUTHFUL TENTEN-CHAN!"

"Um, I was wondering if I could have the rest of today off."

"WHAT EVER FOR MY YOUTHFUL BLOSSOM?! YOU NEED MORE TRAINING TO KEEP YOUR YOUTHFULLNESS IN PEAK CONDITION!"

"Um, yeah, well…" Tenten blushed again and fiddled with one of her many weapons, uncharacteristically shy. This wasn't helped by the fact that everyone was staring at her—yes, even Neji was paying attention to her.

"Um, well, I'm kind of meeting someone for lunch and—"

"OUR YOUTHFUL TENTEN-CHAN IS GOING ON A DATE!" Lee bellowed at the top of his voice, tears flowing in _rivers_ down his cheeks. "OUR TENTEN-CHAN IS GROWING UP!"

At this, Gai-sensei completely dissolved and Neji rounded on his sparring partner.

"GO MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT! I WILL NOT STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR YOUTHFUL IMPULSES!"

"HOW WONDERFUL!"

"You _what?!"_

"MY SWEET POPPY MAY YOUR SCENT INTOXICATE YOUR SUITOR TO WORSHIP YOUR YOUTHFUL BEAUTY AND MAY YOU LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN ALL YOUTHFULLNESS!"

"IT IS WITH THE YOUTHFUL UCHIHA-SAN IS IT NOT?"

"_Who?!"_

"OH MY YOUTHFUL FLOWER! WORDS FAIL TO DESCRIBE MY EMOTIONS AT THIS MOMENT! IF I WERE SO FORTUNATE AS TO BE YOUR BEAU YOUR RADIENT YOUTHFULLNESS WOULD BEWITCH ME INSTANTLY!"

"IT IS AT SHUSHUYA YES? THE MOST YOUTHFUL PLACE IN ALL FIRE COUNTRY!"

"_Where?!"_

"Um, I, um, h-have t-to go! H-he's waiting!" Tenten squeaked, gone in the blink of an eye.

"Sensei, Please?"

"No."

"Sense—"

"No."

"_Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!"_

"No, Ino."

The girl huffed and shoved a loose piece of hair out of her way. She looked at her team and huffed again. Chouji was calmly eating his Barbeque chips, ignoring everything else and that lazy Shikamaru was lying in the grass and staring up at his beloved clouds, half asleep. And then there was her sensei who was sitting on a convenient rock and smoking his usual cigarette.

"Ino, sit down and eat your lunch. I'm not letting you off and that's final."

Ino sat down and sulkily began to unpack her lunch.

"Troublesome." Shikamaru muttered.

Ino sent him a death glare and would have smacked him but he was too far away. She settled for stony silence and occasionally sniffing as though her heart had just been broken.

"Come on Ino, cheer up." Chouji said, being the first to crack. He put his hand into his chip bag and pulled out the biggest chip he could find, waved it in front of her.

She couldn't help smiling slightly though she was still mad at Asuma-sensei. She accepted the chip and bit into it, not remembering the last time she had had one.

"After all, you can reschedule with the girls later right?"

"But this wasn't with the girls Chouji!" she exclaimed, horrified that he didn't know. "This was with the _love of my life_!"

Asuma-sensei choked on his cigarette smoke. "What?"

Ino turned to him. "Yes, I was going to meet him at Amaguriama and he's waiting for me!" she whined, throwing her food down in distaste, seeing his face before her eyes.

There was silence and Ino gave it up, feeling her heart break inside of her for the second time in her life.

"How emotionally scarred would you be if I didn't let you go?" Asuma asked almost randomly.

"Asuma-sensei, my heart is _broken!_" Ino shrieked, tears threatening to fall. "You can't _get_ anymore scarred than that! You're the most horrid sensei ever!"

Her sensei sighed and rolled his eyes. "Good, I thought so. Thanks for letting me know."

There was another small silence as Ino sobbed again and Chouji sighed.

"Come on Ino, _please_ cheer up?"

"My heart is _broken_ Chouji! I'm not sure how I'll live though this! I only just got over Sasuke and now Asuma-sensei just broke it again! I can't believe how mean he is! My beloved is waiting for me and I won't be there and he'll never forgive me and he'll dump me and then my heart will be even more fragmented and you're all so mean and I hate you!"

She was just drawing another deep breath to continue her rant and tell them all exactly _how_ she hated them when Asuma-sensei stepped in.

"Ino." He sighed, his face resembling that of a martyr's. "If you promise to shut up, you can go."

There was about two seconds of in which she complied with his request and then—

" ._**GOSH!**_" she screamed, pouncing on her sensei and kissing him on the cheek. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou Asuma-sensei-kun! You love me! Oh! I have got to go! I'm late! AHH! Take care guys! See you! Gah! My hair is an absolute _mess_! What am I going to do?!"

She dashed off, yanking her ponytail out and letting her hair fly free. Three pairs of eyes stared after her.

"This guy must be amazing." Asuma said, touching the place where his student had kissed him. "She's never done that. Do you two know him?"

Chouji shook his head, eating another chip. "Nope, you Shika?"

His comrade sighed. "Troublesome."


	2. Chapter 2: The Next Day

_**Chapter 2: The Next Day**_

The golden sun was slowly setting, ending another beautiful, peaceful day in Konoha. As it was Friday, the village had been far quieter than usual, the only sounds really coming from the market and the park where the children were playing. In fact, one would say it had been _very _quiet today.

A little _too_ quiet, in all honesty.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO _ME?!_"

Ahh, yes, that was more like it. The sun peeked into Hokage tower, from whence the unearthly yell had emanated.

The Godiame Hokage was stomping around her office, pulling her hair and shouting incoherently as birds and other small creatures fled the scene, the only thing daring to remain was the Hokage's loyal assistant, and the real person who kept Konoha running smoothly.

"My lady please—"

"WHY DID _I _HAVE TO GET STUCK WITH TOTAL _IDIOTS_ —"

"My lady, perhaps if you just—"

"I'M CURSED! That's what I am! CURSED!" The Hokage collapsed into her chair and slammed her forehead into her desk in total defeat.

The assistant sighed and massaged her temples. "My lady, you are _not_ cursed. Now if you'll just listen to me…"

"Meffifam."

"Um, what?" Shizune asked, unable to decode the muffled word her boss had said.

The blond head popped up and sighed. "I said 'Yes I am'"

"Oh…well…" Shizune really didn't know how to respond to that.

"Don't say anything." Tsunade ran a hand through her hair. "OK, tell me _again_ what's going on."

Shizune raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure I should?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "No."

"I thought not."

The Hokage took a deep breath. "Alright, start talking, I can handle it. I promise." She added, seeing the doubtful look she was getting.

"Very well." Shizune sighed, proceeding against her better judgment. "The shinobi of Rookie 9 seem to have developed some….unusual behaviors in the last 24 hours."

"Like what?" Tsunade braced herself for the worst.

"Well, Naruto's not eating ramen anymore."

The Hokage choked mid swallow on her sake. Recovering, she set the cup down. "What?"

Shizune nodded. "Umino-san said he offered to buy Naruto lunch at that ramen stand and Naruto just walked right past him."

"OK…" Tsunade said slowly. "That is weird. Is he sick?"

"Not that we can tell, My Lady."

The Hokage frowned. "OK, I'll look into it. What else?"

Shizune squirmed.

"What?"

"Well…" Shizune took a deep breath. "Rock Lee has been hospitalized due to the amount of injuries he acquired during sparing."

The Hokage's eyebrows shot up. "Who was he sparing with?"

"Hyuuga Neji."

"OK…well, um…"

"Quite, My Lady. Oh, and the Hyuuga also appears to have gone off food, and he's muttering as well."

"_What?! _ Since when did he take up muttering?"

Shizune shrugged. "It gets better."

"I need more sake." Tsunade groaned, pouring herself a fifth glass. "OK, go on."

"Uchiha Sasuke's short temper seems to have become even shorter as three civilian teenage boys have been hospitalized as well for severe injuries. Strangely enough, the only common link we can find between the three is that they are roughly his age and—" she paused a second, blushing slightly. "what some would describe as rather good looking. Oh yes, he appears to have giving up eating as well."

"What is this?! National Be Incredibly Stupid If You Have A Y Chromosome Week or something?!"

"And uh, Nara Shikamaru isn't sleeping anymore." Shizune added as though she had never been interrupted.

There was the sound of shattering glass as the sake cup fell from the Hokage's hands.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with these people?! Is it something they drank? Something they ate?! Something they _didn't _eat?! Have they all gone completely _bananas_?!"

"I honestly don't know Tsunade-sama." Her faithful assistant said while wiping spat-out sake off her clothes.

"What are the _girls_ doing?! Did they decide to give up _breathing_ or something?! I mean, hell, that's the next step in this ridiculous cycle!"

Shizune couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face with that outburst. "No ma'am. They're reading. Very quietly too I might add."

"Good." Tsunade muttered, brushing the glass fragments aside and pulling out a new cup. She sighed. "Alright, keep monitoring those four and tell me what happens. I swear, they live to make my life difficult."

"Yes ma'am. Good night."


	3. Chapter 3: The Fight

_**Chapter 3: The Fight**_

Not many things were awake at 4 in the morning. It was too dark, too cold, and, quite simply, way too early for most living beings to even consider waking up that early.

Uchiha Sasuke however, did not count as most human beings. He was currently standing in near total darkness leaning against the railing of the bridge where his team always met. He had been here for an hour already and hadn't moved an inch. Just _why _he was standing here when his companions weren't due for another two hours and his sensei some four to six hours after _that_ was anyone's guess.

He himself didn't know and as he stood in the silence, he considered his actions.

Something wasn't right, he could tell that straight off. It wasn't anything major, like the time he had walked into the Uchiha compound and found himself an orphan. No, it was far too subtle to be that. It was more like a slight change to his favorite meal, such as an added flavor, and one he didn't care for. It was an undertone, a vibe, that just didn't hit him right. For his life though, he couldn't tell what.

His training was coming along fine, it couldn't be that. There weren't any past missions he was having trouble dealing with, or any future ones he was worried about. No, everything was good on that front.

His team was fine, as was everyone else of Rookie 9. Kakashi was habitually late and still read his stupid books, Naruto was as loud as ever, and Sakura was nearly as loud as him and continued to smack Naruto whenever he became irritating.

Yes, everything was fine. So, why hadn't he been able to sleep last night and why was he just ever so slightly more surly than usual?

Something shifted in the darkness and his eyes instantly focused on it.

"Hey Teme!"

One perfect eyebrow went up. What on earth was the dobe doing up this early? Something must have been wrong.

The blond wandered over to the opposite side of the bridge and leaned against it, yawning.

"Couldn't sleep huh? Me neither."

"Hn."

"Hey teme, do you have a weird feeling?"

Sasuke looked at him.

"Yeah, like something isn't right quite right. Not anything huge, just something little."

Good gosh something _was_ seriously wrong. The dobe was showing signs of having a brain.

"Hn."

Naruto smiled. "Thought so."

Silence fell again and Sasuke went back to his previous train of thought, slightly miffed. If Naruto could sense something was wrong, he, the only surviving Uchiha and a known genius, should be able to figure it out, plan a solution, and execute it within the next 20 minutes.

Unfortunately, fate was not on his side and 4:20 came and went. Naruto, after remaining remarkably silent and freaking Sasuke out more than he cared to admit, finally fell asleep, still muttering occasionally.

Time marched on and the sun rose bathing Konoha in pink, then gold.

Naruto stirred beside Sasuke and stretched, yawning. "Morning Teme. Did you fall asleep?"

"Hn."

"I didn't think so. I—"

_Poof!_

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto yelled, causing all three of them to nearly fall off the bridge as the peaceful silence was shattered.

"Yo."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! OUCH! TEME!" A hand flew to his injured head.

Sasuke glared as his teacher who was sitting on the railing of the bridge.

Kakashi rolled his visible eye. "Well Duh. We have to train."

Sasuke's glare intensified and Naruto's jaw dropped.

"T-teme!" he stuttered, face white. "Someone's captured our sensei! He's gone and this person has been sent to fool us!"

Then, to both Kakashi's and Sasuke's amazement, Naruto pulled out a shiriken and grabbed the front of Kakashi's vest, holding the weapon to his neck.

"Who are you and what have you done to Kakashi-sensei?" he snarled. "You can't fool us so tell us NOW! Kakashi-sensei's _always _late! You're one of Orochimaru's men aren't you?! AREN'T YOU?! Well you decided to mess with the wrong ninja buddy! I will—"

_**BANG!**_

The bridge was suddenly enveloped in a cloud of black smoke and as soon as it had come, it was gone. Sasuke, coughing but otherwise unharmed, looked up to find Kakashi-sensei gone and Naruto thrashing in the river, spluttering.

"That—that—_ JERK!" _Naruto bellowed, dragging himself out of the river and flopping on the bridge. "I'm gonna kill him when I find him! I'm gonna—"

"Gonna what?"

The two teens looked up to find their sensei smirking down at them from a tree. He leapt down lightly, shoving his beloved orange book into his vest pocket and straightening.

"Well done Naruto, you caught my trick."

Naruto's jaw dropped again and even Sasuke's eyes widened fractionally.

"W-what?"

Kakashi gave Naruto a good natured shove. "Oh come on. I have to keep you guys on your toes. I mean, if I were late all time, you would let your guard down. Isn't that right Sasuke?"

Said student glared at him.

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, that's how you learn. So, where's Sakura?"

"She hasn't shown up yet. She—"

A quickly stifled sob reached their ears and all three whipped around. There, on the other side of the bridge was the person they had just been talking about. She was completely disheveled, her hair was sticking out at all angles, her clothes looking as though she had slept in them and her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto shouted, horrified. He dashed over to her and gave her a bear hug. "What happened?! Did you get attacked?! Who did it?! Do I need to kill someone?!"

"M-my date!" she sobbed, burying her head in Naruto's chest and shrieking into his shirt.

Naruto looked frantically at Kakashi, who looked equally disturbed. Naruto tightened his hug.

"D-don't worry Sakrua-chan! We'll find the baka and make him pay! Right Sasuke?"

He turned his head to look at the other side of the bridge where the last teammate had been standing, and found himself staring at thin air.

Naruto cursed and jerked away from Sakura, scrambling to catch up with his long-gone teammate.

"TAKE CARE OF HER KAKASHI-SENSEI! I'LL BE BACK!" He stopped momentarily to snatch an extra knife and then took off again, shouting.

"HEY! HEY TEME! WAIT UP! I GETTA KILL SOMEONE TOO!"

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I really can't!"

"Kiba…"

"I mean, the fact that she actually _told_ the blond loudmouth her feelings is like, wow. But that they went on a date…" he stopped pacing, words failing him again for the sixth time that morning.

"Yes, Kiba, it's all very amazing but you must respect her feelings." Kurenai said, looked at him earnestly.

"How do you think it went? Do you think they—" He stopped dead, seeming horrified.

"Do you think they _kissed_? Oh, gosh…" He sank to ground. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"_Kiba!_" Kurenai scolded, frowning. "I forbid you to ask her anything. It will be completely up to her to share her afternoon with us and _none_ of us will press her, understand?"

"I hope he didn't hurt her." Kiba growled, pulling up a fistful of grass. "If he so much as made her _think_ about crying, I'll kill him."

"How you shall accomplish such a task shall be of great interest to me. Why? Because in the length of time I have known you, you have never exhibited the slightest indication of psychic abilities." Shino commented from the tree he was standing beside.

"Aw shut it bug brain. You know what I mean."

"Indeed I do. And moreover, however much it pains me to say this, agree with you."

Kurenai looked up at her student, shocked. That had to be the first time Shino had ever expressed an emotion. She opened her mouth to complement him on it when—

"G-g-good M-m-morning, K-Kurenai-s-sensei."

The three looked up and Kurenai's heart broke at what she saw.

"Oh Hinata…" she whispered, pulling her into a hug.

The girl looked as though she had spent the whole night crying, and Kurenai had a sneaking suspicion she had. In that moment, she hated Kakashi's student and swore to make him pay for hurting her baby girl, who was crying quietly in her arms.

Akamaru nuzzled his head against Hinata's legs, whining pitifully.

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW HE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! AAARGH! COME ON AKAMARU, WE HAVE TO GO KILL THAT IDIOT! YOU TOO SHINO! LET'S MOVE!"

"GOOD MORNING MY YOUTHFUL NEJI-KUN! YOU ARE UP BEFORE THE SUN BUT THAT DOES NOT MATTER AS YOU ARE GLOWING WITH YOUTHFULNESS! OH! THE POWER OF YOUTH!"

"THAT IS SO TRUE GAI-SENSEI!" Lee shouted back.

"BUT WHERE IS OUR YOUTHFUL FLOWER TENTEN-CHAN? WHY IS SHE NOT WITH MY YOUTHFUL NEJI-KUN?"

"I DO NOT KNOW GAI-SENSEI! PERHAPS OUR YOUTHFUL TEAMMATE KNOWS!"

Neji forced himself to throw the kunai at the tree and not either of the people beside him. He was a Hyuuga and had a name to uphold.

Lee gasped, eyes filling with tears. "GAI-SENSEI! A YOUTHFUL THOUGHT HAS JUST OCCURRED TO ME!"

"WHAT MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT?! ENLIGHTEN ALL OF US WITH YOUR NEWFOUND YOUTHFUL WISDOM!"

_He could not kill them. He could _not_ kill them…_

"PERHAPS OUR YOUTHFUL TENTEN-CHAN'S DATE WENT SO WELL, IT HAS NOT FINISHED YET!"

_Snap! _A branch fell to the forest floor.

Gai-sensei gasped dramatically. "OH MY YOUTHFUL LEE! I BELIEVE YOU ARE RIGHT! OUR BELOVED TENTEN-CHAN HAS FOUND TRUE LOVE AT LAST!"

"OR PERHAPS!" Lee bellowed as another youthful idea struck him upside the head. "PERHAPS—"

"PERHAPS WHAT MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT?"

Another limb fell.

Lee went white. "PERHAPS THE REASON OUR YOUTHFUL TENTEN-CHAN IS NOT PRESENT IS BECAUSE SHE IS SUFFERING A BROKEN HEART AND HER YOUTHFULNESS HAS BEEN CRUSHED!"

_CRASH!_ An oak at least 50 feet tall reached the end of its life and fell with the limbs already on the ground.

The two Green Beasts of Konoha failed to notice a thing, Gai as white as Lee and Neji appearing to have become marble.

There was a moment of silence and then—

The dams burst.

"_**NO!**_NOT OUR YOUTHFUL TENTEN! MY STUDENT HAS BEEN CRUSHED! THIS IS A TRAGIC DAY OF YOU—"

"_**Will you just SHUT UP?!"**_

Mt. Vesuvius trembled for fear at the scream. The three males in the field froze and for the first time in his life, Neji knew the meaning of the word fear.

The very girl they had been talking about emerged from the shadows and fear fled, replaced by horror.

The thing was not the Tenten Neji knew and he actually recoiled from it while his brain tried to recalibrate. It looked female and it dressed like Tenten did, but Tenten wore her hair in two buns, not long and gothic. Tenten had warm brown eyes that sparkled with happiness, not a demonic glint. Tenten tolerated Gai's and Lee's tortuous shouts of "YOUTHFULNESS!" and kept him from snapping both their necks. The girl before him had a kunai out and an explosive tag tied to it, just waiting for the right moment.

"Tenten-chan." Gai finally dared after a minute had passed and no one had moved. "What has happened to your youthfulness?"

There was a 5 second pause and then—

"My date!" she sobbed, suddenly collapsing on the ground, hysterical. "He—he—"

Neji was gone, an uncontrollable rage flooding through him.

"WAIT MY YOUTHFUL TEAMMATE!" Lee shouted, rushing to catch up with Neji. "TAKE CARE OF HER GAI-SENSEI!"

They had a family name to wipe out.

Asuma watched the road by which his only female charge would walk by to come to training. No one had seen her since yesterday and he was anxious to see how her date had gone. She had dated a good deal before but he knew that this one was special. Much as he wanted to see her go out with one of her teammates, he also knew what it was like to be in love and how powerful that feeling was. He had never denied Ino anything she really wanted and he certainly couldn't deny her a chance at true love.

Glancing at the two boys with him, he could tell that both were just a curious as he, though it was only obvious in Chouji. Shikamaru was lying in the grass, looking at the clouds again.

Asuma turned his attention back to the road. Ino was many things but she never late.

5:00 came and went however, and there was not blond among the green.

1 minute…2 minutes…

"She's late." Chouji said at last, looking worried. "Maybe she forgot."

"Forgot what?"

Asuma jumped and spun around to find the missing member of Cell 10 standing calmly by a tree.

"Hey everybody." She greeted.

"Aw Ino. Come here." Asuma said, seeing through her act instantly.

She looked puzzled. "What? I'm fine. I was just late because stupid Sakura—"

Asuma crossed to her in two strides and picked her up, hugging her.

"Asuma-sensei! What are you doing?! Let go! I—"

"Tell me what happened." He interrupted.

She looked at him, thoroughly confused. "I'm fine. Nothing happened, Asuma-sensei, really." She caught his eye and the act fell away. She drew a shaky breath. "Nothing happened, Asuma-sensei. He—he—"

She broke off and hugged him, crying silently.

He looked up at the boys and saw they were already way ahead of him. Chouji, face stormy, was already heading out of the training ground and ordering Shika sternly to get up. Grumbling, Shika obeyed, taking one look at his teammate and friend and groaning.

"Troublesome."

Shizune looked out of a window in Hokage tower, suddenly chilled.

"My lady, does it seem cold to you all of a sudden?"

The Hokage looked up, glancing at her clock. "No, but it does seem like lunch time. Come on, I'm starving. I'm glad you said something."

Shizune, only slightly reassured, looked out the window again. Everything looked normal. There were the usual vendors at the market, some nin mingling with the civilians, the restaurants packed with the lunch crowd…yes, everything was fine. She could even see the four girls of Rookie 9 eating together, Sakura giggling over something Tenten had said.

"See? Everything's fine."

She jumped as she heard the Hokage's voice right next to her and found the Godiame looking out the window as well.

"Yes, ma'am. I must have imagined it." She replied, shaking herself mentally.

"Well, that just proves that you need food. Come on, I'll even buy."

Glancing out the window one last time and shrugging, Shizune followed Tsunade out of the tower.

Yes, everything was fine.

There was silence.

Cold, deadly silence as nothing on the training ground dared to move.

"AAAGH! TAKE_ THAT_ KIBA!"

There was an explosion and a cloud of birds flew into the air. A groan followed, immediately drowned out by a warning growl. Sasuke looked down from his tree to see the mutant Akamaru jump on Naruto while Kiba attacked from behind.

A shiriken appeared out of nowhere and Sasuke only just avoided having his arm cut off as he jumped to another tree and flattened himself against the trunk. He had been doing this for three hours and had no intention of losing to the Hyuuga now.

"Give it up Uchiha! There's nowhere you can hide that I can't find you."

Sasuke snorted and hurled a fire ball in the direction of the boy's voice. A broad smirk appeared on his face as he saw it hit Hyuuga head on and knock him to the ground.

"Gotcha!"

Sasuke was on top of him in an instant, determined to end this once and for all. He managed to cut off the Hyuuga's charka flow to his arms before he was thrown bodily off. Ignoring the pain, Sasuke attacked again, landing a solid kick in the chest and moving to finish him off when his body suddenly froze, his hand a ¼ of an inch away from a fatal pressure point. The Hyuuga's knife was the same distance from his heart.

"Actually," a bored voice drawled above them. "I think _I _have _you_." It sighed. "Kami, this is troublesome. Chouji, they're all yours."

"He's busy at the moment." A new voice suddenly replied calmly. "or I'm sure he'd love to assist you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke saw the figure of Nara Shikamaru crouched on a tree branch above him, shadows extending from his fingertips and Ambure Shino next to him, holding an acupuncture needle calmly to the Nara's jugular.

"I wouldn't move too much if I were you." Ambure added lightly.

_CRASH!_

"OW! Dammit Lee! That hurt!"

"HA! NOW YOU KNOW SOME OF THE PAIN I WAS IN WHEN I SAW WHAT YOU HAD DONE TO MY TENTEN-CHAN'S YOUTHFULNESS!"

"What are you tal—AGH! Chouji! What was that for?! Take this!"

Sasuke heard another crash and could sense Naruto battling the Green Beast of Konoha somewhere behind him.

"Yeah well, this is for Sakura-chan ya jerk!"

A mass of green and orange came rolling into Sasuke's field of vision and he watched as the two boys tackled each other.

"NOW AKAMARU!"

There was a chilling snarl and the gigantic white dog, invisible a second before, pounced on Naruto and Lee. Naruto let out a strangle yell and a second later, found himself hanging by his collar from Akamaru's mouth.

"What the hell Kiba?" Naruto bellowed, flailing wildly.

The boy smirked. "That's for breaking H—_gack!"_

"Ino's heart." Chouji finished, arm around Kiba's neck as he attempted to pull the boy off the dog. "You—AHH!"

"THE POWER OF YOUTH PREVAILS! SURRENDER MY FAT COMPANION AND I WLL LEAVE YOUR YOUTHFUL WINDPIPE INTACT!"

Chouji froze, arm still around Kiba's neck, who was in the awkwardest position known to man and hanging onto Akamaru though sheer will power, who had a furious Naruto hanging from his mouth, who was sending his teammate silent pleas for help, who was trapped against his will, seconds from ending the worthless Hyuuga's life, who's eyes promised a _very_ painful death to Sasuke and the shadow user who held him, who couldn't move for the needle at his neck that bug boy held, who was standing equally frozen, having unwittingly stepped on one of the shadow tendrils.


	4. Chapter 4: The End

_**Chapter 4: The End**_

Sasuke cursed silently, using language that would make his mother faint.

How the hell had he gotten in this situation?

A meadow lark burst into song and Sasuke swore to kill it, sure it was mocking him. He would show it, just as soon as he got out of here. He would hunt it down and barba—

_Giggle._

He stopped breathing. What was that?

"Wasn't he _wonderful?"_

His heart stopped as the unmistakable voice of Haruno Sakura reached his ears.

"He was! Oh my gosh! I just wanted to _die_!" A reply sounding incredibly Ino Yamanaka-ish said.

"I-I liked the d-dance." The stutter off Hyuuga Hinata offered timidly.

"I don't know." Tenten's voice commented. "I really liked that chapter where—"

"—he snuck into her room? Oh I know!" Sakura gave a _very _girlish squeal. "I totally flipped at that part."

Sasuke's brain was frozen. What were they talking about?

"And then when he stayed with her all night, I died!"

"The truck thing was pretty cool too." Tenten added. Sasuke heard a twig snap and his confusion gave way to panic. Wait, the girls weren't coming _this_ direction, were they?

There was a sigh. "Ugg. He's _sooooo_ awesome."

"And totally hot."

They were. Sasuke's mind raced as he attempted to quell his panic. He had to get out of here. He had to get out of here _NOW_.

"I could marry him. I really could."

Wait, that wasn't pink entering the clearing was it? And that most definitely wasn't black next to it with brown and yellow rapidly appearing behind it.

"Then I'd be—"

"Mrs. Edward Cullen!" All four shouted together, jumping up and down. They recovered from their excitement and Sasuke felt the world end as they turned around and saw they weren't nearly as alone as they had thought.

"Ohmigosh!" Sakura squeaked, clapping both hands to her mouth, turning bright red instantly. The nunchuck Tenten had been twirling fell to the forest floor, Hinata went beet red and swayed dangerously and Ino, white as a ghost, dashed forward to steady her.

"W-What are you guys doing?" Tenten asked, wide eyed and sounding remarkably like Hinata.

"T-They're fighting." Ino supplied, wide eyed, in a voice that was about 3 octaves too high. "But why each other?"

"I have no id—" Tenten gasped. "Wait, this couldn't have anything do to with this morning, _could it_?"

"Ohmigosh." Sakura squeaked again.

Sasuke silently begged everyone to keep quiet. If they did, they might just be able to save face and fool the girls.

"Hinata-chan!" Naruto suddenly piped up, looking at her as realization hitting him. "I think I just figured out what was wrong!"

Every male stiffened. No, Naruto. Don't say it. Shut up. _Shut up NOW._

"You stopped paying attention to me!"

Sasuke never saw Hinata faint as he was on top of Naruto in an instant, closely followed by every other boy.

"NEJI!"

"YOU IDIOT NARUTO!"

"SASUKE! GET OFF HIM!"

"YOU'RE DEAD UZUMAKI!"

"I AGREE WITH MY YOUTHFUL TEAMMATE! I WILL SEVERELY DAMAGE YOUR YOUTHFULLNESS!"

"LEE!"

"WAY TO GO MORON!"

"K-KIBA-KUN!"

"IS THAT BLOND HEAD OF YOUR'S _COMPLETELY _EMPTY?!"

"_CHOUJI!"_

"OW! HEY! WATCH IT!"

BARK!

"Sh-Shino-kun! Call those bugs back!"

"EEEEK! BUGS! _WHERE!?"_

"OW! THAT WAS MY FACE NARA!"

"WHAT DID I D—OUCH! WHO DID THAT?!"

"LEE! GET OFF HIM _NOW!"_

"I'LL KILL HIM!"

"SASUKE! NO!"

"GET THAT FIREBALL AWAY FROM ME!"

"HEY! NO MIND JUTSUS! GET OUT OF ME INO!"

"THAT WAS MY—"

YIP!

"AKAMARU!"

"EWW! HE DROOLED ON ME!"

"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY EYE!"

"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!"

"_**THAT'S THE ENTIRE POINT!"**_

The sun, now rapidly sinking, couldn't resist peeking into Hokage Tower one last time before it retired. He had seen much that day and he was curious as to how the ruler of Konoha was taking i—

"_WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"_

The Hokage fell into her chair. "Are you _freaking_ kidding me?!"

"…No my lady."

Tsunade-sama didn't seem to hear her, the stunned expression on her face not moving.

"No, _no_, Shizune. You've _got_ to be kidding me."

Her assistant sighed. "I'm afraid not ma'am. I just had it from the hospital director himself."

The Hokage sank back. "A-and you're sure? Absolutely positive?"

"Yes, ma'am. Rock Lee, Tenten, Hyuuga Neji, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Yamanaka Ino, Nara Shikamaru, Akimichi Chouji, Aburame Shino, Inuzuka Kiba, and Hyuuga Hinata have all been hospitalized for severe injuries and all are currently unconscious."

"What the hell could they have been _doing_?!"

"We're not sure, Hokage-sama. They were all found on a training ground together about half an hour ago."

"And they were unconscious then?"

"Yes, my lady."

"What the hell were they thinking?" The Hokage muttered, rubbing her temples. She sighed. "Do you have any idea _why_ they were trying to kill each other?"

"Well…"

"What?" Tsunade demanded, seeing Shizune hesitate. "Tell me."

"Well, it's not much, but it _could _be an explanation." Shizune ventured slowly.

"What?" Tsunade braced herself for the worst.

Shizune still hesitated.

"I'm ready." Tsunade said. "Just tell me."

"I'm not sure if I—"

"_Say it!"_

Shizune swallowed. "Very well, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"I won't. Start talking."

"Well, like I said, it's not much, but, judging by their behavior in the last 24 hours, it's a thought. From what Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma and Gai have told me, all the girls left the instant they were dismissed from training, and all of them said they had a date. They also said that every other member of the team were stunned. Rightfully so in some cases. Well, as you can imagine, all the boys were anxious to see how the dates went and were all waiting for the girls, even if some didn't admit it. Kurenai said that both Shino and Kiba were openly curious, and Kakashi said that he saw both Sasuke and Naruto at their meeting place 4 hours early, so clearly the boys were concerned. Then when the girls did show up, every one of them was crying like her heart had been broken. After that all the boys tore off and Ibiki told me he saw them battling each other on Training ground 16 at about 10 this morning. Considering that _all_ of the teams, both boys and girls, are in the hospital now, the girls must have shown up some time later and gotten involved, and then they all finally collapsed and are where they are now."

"So, what are you saying?" Tsunade asked, folding her hands and propping her elbows on her desk.

"I made some inquires and it turns out that none of the girls went anywhere last night."

"_What?!_ "

"Yes, ma'am."

"Who did you talk to?"

"Their parents, in the case of Ino, Sakura, and Hinata, and her land lord, in the case of Tenten."

"Alright." Tsunade said slowly, not relaxing. "Go on."

"Well, none of them were sick, or unhappy. In fact in all cases, those I talked to said they just holed up in their respective rooms for the evening and they heard a good deal of giggling."

She pulled something out from her robe and set it on the Hokage's desk. "The only common link I could find was this. There was a copy in each of the girls' rooms."

Tsunade picked it up and looked at it, stunned. "A-a book?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"A _book?_"

Shizune waited patiently.

Tsunade turned it over again, staring at it in disbelief, and then looked up at her assistant.

"I don't believe this."

"It was just a thought, ma'am, though I did think it explained a few things."

"Shizune," Tsunade said, trying to reason. "It's a book. As in like, words on pages held together with glue. You've just got to be kidding m—"

The office door burst open, causing both women to jump and the Hokage to spring to her feet.

"WHO DARES—"

"Sorry Hokage-sama!" Hyuuga Hanabi apologized cheerfully, bursting in. "It's just that we're back from our mission and I thought I'd drop off the write-up right away!"

She laid it down on the desk and spotted the book.

"Ohmigosh!" She squealed. "You're reading it _too_ Hokage-sama?! Isn't it like, the best book _ever_?! I absolutely _adore _the hero! And the romantic plot is _amazing! _It took _everything_ in me not to steal Hinata's copy last night and then when I finished it, I cried for hours! It is _soooooooooooo_ good!"

Shizune glanced at the Hokage as Hanabi babbled on.

"Well, I hafta go! Bye! I hope you enjoy it! You'll _die_ at the end!"

The door shut and there was silence.

_3…2…1…_

"Well, Hokage-sama?"

The clenched fists tightened.

"A _Freaking _book." It came out in a spine chilling growl. The Godiame picked it up and straightened, glaring at the arms and the apple on the front cover.

There was a moment's silence, and then—

The book hit the wall with a menacing _THUNK_, completely cracking the plaster and drywall on both sides and embedding itself in two pieces in the insulation, only the very bottom corner sticking out.

"IT'S BANNED, DO YOU HEAR ME?! _BANNED! _NO—I WANT EVERY COPY DESTORYED! BURNED! BURIED! PUT LIME ON THEM! DUMP THEM IN THE OCEAN! I DON'T CARE! JUST MAKE SURE THEY'RE _**GONE!**_ALRIGHT? _**GONE!**_ _AND _ IF ANYONE BUYS A COPY IT'S PRISON, UNDERSTAND?! NO TRIAL, NO NOTHING, _**PRISON!**_ FOR LIFE! IN THE MOST FOUL, NASTY, DISGUSTING HORRIBLE PLACE I CAN GET MY HANDS ON! AND DAILY TORTURE! AND I WANT THE AUTHOR ARRESTED! NOW! AND BROUGHT HERE IN CHAINS! GET ME THE ANBU! CALL THE ELDERS! I'M GONNA KILL HIM, YOU HEAR?! _KILL HIM_! I'LL _GUT_ HIM! I'LL GET ORO-CHAN AND HAVE HIM USED FOR HUMAN EXPERIMENTS! I'LL SIC NARUTO ON HIM! I'LL— **SHIZUNE! **_**WHY THE HELL ISN'T HE HERE YET!?"**_


	5. Chapter 5: Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

A bell tinkled as Shizune entered the shop, and the owner of the place looked up.

"It's raining something fierce out there, isn't it miss?"

"Yes." She replied, smiling slightly. "Would you mind if I waited it out here?"

"Not at all. Make yourself at home."

"Thank you." She responded, moving further in and seeing just what she had ducked into.

It was a book shop. A quaint little place completely crammed with various volumes, ranging to the raunchy paperback novel to the solemn dictionary to "Baby's First Colors" perched on top of the first volume of _Fullmetal Alchemist_. There was about three times as much shelf space as floor space and anyone not within 5 pounds of their ideal weight would have difficulty maneuvering between the shelves. As strange as it was, Shizune resolved not to think of it; she was just grateful that there was someplace for her to wait out the storm.

She picked up a medical dictionary and had just cracked the cover when—

"Shizune? Is that you?"

She turned around (with some difficulty) and found Mitarashi Anko poking her head around the corner. Her face lit up as she saw her guess was right.

"Hey! I thought it was you! How ya doin'?"

"Good, wet, but good."

Anko rolled her eyes even as she smiled at her. "Totally, right? That storm's crazy, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Hey, you lookin' at something or can I bug you for a minute?"

"Sure."

"Great! Over here."

Her head disappeared and Shizune followed her into the next aisle, forced to walk sideways because of narrowness. Anko noticed her discomfort.

"Crazy, huh?" She whispered, grinning.

"Completely." Shizune agreed, ducking to avoid hitting _500,000 Bird Species and Their Life Cycles._

"Back here."

Anko led still further into the store, only stopping when they came to the back wall. There was nothing there but a stack of cardboard boxes, all haphazardly crammed with even more books.

"I was just browsing when I came across these and thought they looked interesting. Here, I'll read the back to you." She pulled a book out and Shizune just barely had time to catch a glimpse of an apple on the cover before Anko flipped it over and began reading. " "About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him—and I didn't know how dominate that part might be—that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.""

She looked up at her companion. "Kinda chick-flicky sounding but I figured it might be OK. Whatcha think?"

"What was the name again?"

"_Twilight,_ by Stephenie Meyer."

When she didn't respond, Anko added. "I thought it might be kinda nice to have a brainless read."

"What's the price?"

Anko perked up, seeing that she might be interested. "It's really cheap, only like 5 bucks or something. How many do we want?"

Shizune shifted. "I don't know Anko."

"What?" She asked, halfway through reaching in for another copy.

"There's something familiar about this book."

"Oh, you've read it then? Why didn't you tell me?"

Shizune shook her head. "No, I haven't read it, but I know I've seen it somewhere before."

Anko looked at her, an eyebrow raised. "It's not cursed if that's what you're wondering."

Shizune huffed, rolling her eyes. "Very clever, Anko."

Anko smirked. "So," She said, sobering up, "back to the original question, how many do we want?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'm gonna get one, and you know Kurenai'll want one so I'll get one for her too. And then you know she's going to rant about it for weeks so then you'll have to read it, so that's another one for you…That makes three. Hey, you think Tsunade-sama'd want one?"

"I don't know." Shizune said slowly. "She's not a big reader."

Anko shrugged. "Ah, heck. We'll get one for her anyway. 'Sides, then we can all talk it over after we're done…OK, so that's four. Alrighty. Hey! I think the rain stopped. You done?"

Shizune nodded and led back to the front of the store, waiting for Anko at the end of the aisle.

"What?" Anko asked, catching her worried glance at the pile in her arms.

"I don't know." Shizune said for the third time, eyebrows furrowed. "It's just that I could swear I've heard of this book before and there was something wrong with it or something."

"Well that was specific." Anko rolled her eyes and made her way to the checkout counter.

Shizune followed.

"Ahh, so you found something you liked." The owner smiled. "Will this be all?"

"Yep." Anko replied. "Unless you have something Shizune?"

Shizune shook her head.

The man rang her up. "Alright, that'll be twenty dollars please."

Anko paid and thanked him, picking up the stack again and catching Shizune's worried look.

"Would you knock it off?" She said. "You make me feel like I'm committing a crime."

"Sorry." Shizune apologized. "It's just, I really don't feel comfortable with this and I can't say why."

"Come on, Shizune." Anko replied breezily, opening the shop door and walking out into the watery sunshine with her. "I mean honestly, what could happen?"


End file.
